Put your own oxygen mask on first
Dr Maurice Duffy • November 21, 2022
Now, before I describe them, do note that you and everyone around you will prioritise these needs in different ways and give different focus to each of these needs. However, if you want to really change then you need to work out which of these needs are your priority at 1-7 and list why you allow these to define you in the way they do. These 7ND© are the driving force behind the ’why’ of what we do.
So, let us look at these 7ND© in brief detail:
- Safety: Many of us seek out comfort of safety first. It is a universal human nature trait for us to seek comfort. You would assume that comfort would be a worthwhile goal for us all to pursue but in reality, it is one of our greatest built-in impediments to future growth. If we were not wired with our affinity for comfort, our possibilities for a better life and world would be unfathomable.
- Variety: For many people change is necessary in their lives. Where change is your primary driver, you actively go looking for the unknown, or are constantly changing things in order to get new stimuli. However constantly seeking change and being too focused on the future stops you from enjoying life now.
- Status: This is so important to some people, where being at the centre of things, allows them to feel unique, important, special, or needed. Striving for improvement can be extremely healthy, but when the outcome is more about other people, then we can become blinded to what is happening to us as people.
- Relationships: A strong feeling of closeness or union with someone or something. Love is a huge energy source and brings with it many mental and physical benefits. However, life cannot be all about loving if you do not love yourself. Self-love of who and what you are is the platform to truly loving other people.
- Growth: Abraham Maslow says “One can choose to go back toward safety or forward toward growth. Growth must be chosen repeatedly; fear must be overcome again and again.” It is in Learning that we grow. Learning itself is so important. Learning has no time or age restriction, all that we need is a passion for lifelong learning. However, learning is not just about being inquisitive but about synthesizing and applying the learning in the way that helps us and others. If your focus is learning and not growth you will miss the richness of life.
- Contribution: I believe that our rewards in life have a direct correlation with the contribution we make and the key to life is not in the accumulation, but in the contribution. Our success should not be about the size of our title but the richness of your contribution.
- This is both physical and mental health. The health of our mind and body has a direct impact on the type of life we lead.
Balance is everything. Knowing which of your 7ND© human needs is your primary driver and how this affects your ability to connect with yourself and others crucial to your understanding of what fuels you. Knowing how you prioritise in order of importance these 7ND© helps you understand yourself better. It can also help you better learn how you manage the emotions you show, how you think, react, or respond.
If you want to know more, please do contact me.
“It is never too late to be what you might have been.” George Eliot
BBC- Why does fear seem to hold so much power over my choices and decisions, dominating various aspects of my life- Stephen Three voices in my head The past me- The future me and the Present me Scarab, with its sly whispers, casts shadows on the path. "What if you fail?" Be afraid it Phoenix, listening to Scarb fears , added fuel to the fears, painting vivid pictures of worst-case scenarios. Zeneth the current you saying Fear," they declared, "you are not my master. I choose courage over apprehension,
While the recognition of cardiovascular exercise's benefits dates back to the mid-20th century, ongoing research continually refines our understanding and recommendations for optimal health. In the bustling lives of kids, there is growing evidence of things that can improve their mental health meditation offers a hugely valuable respite, aiding in relaxation and mental reset. There is resounding evidence that speaks to one fact: Meditation can be incredibly beneficial in many aspects of children’s lives. • Improved sleep • Increased focus and prolonged attention span • Reduced stress and anxiety • Stronger mental resilience • Improved emotional regulation • Increased self-awareness and empathy In addition to the above benefits, studies have shown that meditation can help children by improving their working memory capacity. In a nutshell, this is the cognitive ability to selectively maintain and manipulate said information without getting easily distracted over short periods of time. This can result in improved academic performance, including mathematical and literacy skills Ultimately, meditation offers invaluable support in navigating the complexities of growing up, nurturing holistic well-being and cognitive development
When I am feeling down I always reach out for ordinary people who do extraordinary things. I've find immense inspiration in the stories of ordinary individuals who've left an extraordinary mark on our world. Whether it's through chance encounters with someone introduced by Alfie Joey, renowned for his comedy and BBC fame, or reflecting on the heartfelt eulogy I was asked to review by my son-in-law for his beloved granny, these moments remind me of the profound impact everyday people can have on our lives. Alfie led me to discover " Vindication Swim ," a captivating biographical film chronicling the incredible journey of Mercedes Gleitze , the pioneering swimmer who defied the odds to become the first British woman to conquer the English Channel in 1927. Despite facing freezing waters, daunting currents, and societal skepticism, Mercedes's unwavering determination carried her through the grueling challenge, inspiring audiences with her resilience and indomitable spirit. Additionally, my son-in-law's touching tribute introduced me to Audrey Lewis , born in 1936 in Jamaica and a part of the Windrush generation. Audrey's decision to leave her four young children behind and embark on a courageous journey to the United Kingdom in September 1961 speaks volumes about her determination to provide them, and herself, with a better life. Despite encountering discrimination and hardship, Audrey persevered, contributing her talents and spirit to her new community. Her story embodies the sacrifices and resilience of the Windrush generation, leaving a lasting legacy of strength in the face of adversity. The stories of Mercedes Gleitze and Audrey Lewis inspire me :. Despite facing daunting challenges, they both persisted with unwavering determination. Their journeys inspire me to confront obstacles head-on, drawing upon my inner strength to overcome adversity. Their example reminds me never to give up on my dreams and to believe in my ability to overcome any obstacles life throws my way.
Transforming Routine into Ritual: Redefining Automatic Habits Automatic habits, also known as habits or routines, are behaviours that we perform regularly and often unconsciously. They're typically formed through repetition and can be difficult to change. Here arew some examples of good and bad habits Good Habits 1. Regular Exercise: You don’t have to be extreme. Just consistent Making it a habit to exercise regularly, such as going for a walk or hitting the gym after work, promotes physical health and mental well-being. 2. Healthy Eating: Choosing nutritious foods and portion sizes without much thought or effort can lead to better overall health and energy levels. 3. Daily Meditation: I meditate every day. It's my way of reminding my mind to stop, drop, and just be Bad Habits 1. Mindless Snacking: "I don't always snack mindlessly, but when I do, it's usually while staring blankly into the fridge wondering where all the healthy food went. Automatically reaching for unhealthy snacks when bored or stressed can contribute to weight gain and poor dietary habits. 2. Excessive Screen Time: Spending excessive hours on screens, whether it's smartphones, computers, or television, can lead to decreased productivity, disrupted sleep patterns, and social disconnection. 3. Procrastination: Automatically delaying tasks or avoiding responsibilities can lead to increased stress, missed deadlines, and decreased overall productivity.
Yesterday, I took my two very large dogs for a walk on leads when I tripped and fell forward. Without skipping a beat, my dogs, for some unknown reason, seemed to think I had initiated a sprint and decided to lunge forward, catapulting me to the ground with even greater force. It was quite the fall, leaving me dazed and frustrated with my clumsiness. As I lay there, nursing both my wounded pride and body, my two dogs peered down at me with a bewildered expression, as if to say, "What on earth just happened, human?" Now, why do I share this tale of canine chaos? TWO REASONS Amidst the chaos of the unexpected, I paused, gathered my thoughts, and chose to respond with resilience and humor, rather than reacting impulsively to the situation. So when the kind elderly man approached me and asked if I was alright, instead of screaming about my visible injuries, I mustered a smile and replied, 'Just a little stumble, but nothing a good laugh won't fix! Thanks for checking in Later that day a listener on my weekly show asked about resilience and bouncebackability. In life, I've come to realize, it's all about our attitude and our willingness to reframe experiences so that we can overcome them or at least heal from the pain. Learning not to react impulsively but to respond thoughtfully is key. So, here are my suggestions... In the midst of chaos, there is also opportunity." - Sun Tzu
Living North columnist Dr Maurice Duffy examines the myths that surround good leadership
Self-Care is Health Care
In his book Why Marriages Succeed or Fail , Dr. John Gottman notes:
As we all look on in awe at the amazing feats at the Winter Olympics, should we whether Olympic athletes are superhuman or just robots, or are they somehow a different species from the rest of us? What can we learn from their extraordinary endeavours? In my experience of working with great champions, from Olympians to hugely successful businesspeople, to be a champion, you must compete. To be a great success, you must compete with the best; but to achieve your greatest success, you must compete with yourself. I was watching Max Parrot achieve great things this week – three years after serious chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkins disease, during which he lost all his muscle tone and fitness and was very ill for six months. Max completed an inspiring comeback from extraordinary challenges by winning the gold medal in the men’s slopestyle at the Winter Olympics, on a course that includes replicas of the Great Wall of China. ‘I had to stop everything to fight and fight for my dreams,’ he said. ‘I felt like a lion in a cage as everything I lived for was taken away when I got Hodgkin and I had to get it back.’ And wow, did he just do that. An Olympic gold medal. So, what makes Max different from us? Max is not superhuman nor a robot, he is just like you and me, with the same doubts, concerns and anxieties. However, he has two differences; he had cancer get between him and his dreams, but he did not let any obstacle get in the way. To be a great success, you must compete with the best; but to achieve your greatest success, you must compete with yourself For many of us, age, fitness, laziness, and anxiety set our limitations. We don’t stop playing because we grow old, we grow old because we stop playing. The very real key to our success is not through achievement but through our enthusiasm. I say, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always be where you’ve always been, as the health of your brain is much more about your actions than your age. I ask that you leap off the fence of indecision. Get out of the ‘want to’ lane and put yourself into the ‘got to’ lane. You know dreams are free, but goals have a cost, and the costs include taking action and building resilience. Goals don’t come without a price, which is time, effort, sacrifice, and sweat. It’s what successful people like the business people and athletes I work with show me every day. If you can see it here and you have courage enough to speak it, it will happen. People believe in certain things, but they keep it to themselves, they don’t put it out there. If you truly believe in it, if you become vocal with it, you create that law of attraction and it will become reality. Ronaldo, one of the greatest footballers of all time, said: ‘I’ve never tried to hide the fact that it is my intention to become the best.’ We often see very successful people as rather inhuman, robots, somehow a different species from the rest of us, no longer prey to randomness, luck or doubt. Swimmer Michael Phelps said: ‘Strength does not come from winning. Your struggles develop your strengths. When you go through hardships and decide not to surrender, that is strength.’ So, how do you feed your mind with success? Get a vision board: I believe whatever we think about we bring about. Everybody has to find their own stroke. What underlies all winning mentalities is optimism and belief in their vision. You must stay with it and truly believe in the prize and reinforce that belief all along the way. I often tell my clients that failure, self-doubt and negative opinions (both internal and external) are normal. Expect them. Deal with them and keep moving forward. Commitment: Commitment is a big part of what I believe. How committed are you to being successful? How committed are you to being a good friend? To being trustworthy? To winning? How committed are you to being a good father or mother, a good teammate, a good role model? There’s that moment every morning when you look in the mirror: are you committed, or are you not? Success at anything will always come down to this: focus and effort. And we control both. Generate momentum with small steps: I hear many people talking about ‘riding the wave’. Successful people aren’t that passive. They live by this motto: ‘First build your wave, then ride it’. Take Action: Ultimately, you can’t think your way to a goal. You have to take action. Winning mindsets aren’t innate. They’re developed. Success is the result of caring more than others think is wise, risking more than others think is safe, dreaming more than others think is practical, committing more than other believe reasonable, overcoming doubts and obstacles that others are afraid of, and expecting more than others think is possible.
When the mind is speaking without permission, it’s lying. When I watch Would I Lie to You on TV, I always try to work out if the story I am being told is a lie, or the truth. I have to admit that I am always just guessing. Some people are just so good at lying. We live in a world where lying has become the norm. Indeed, there are now fact checking organisations to uncover the fabrications often presented by business, politics or in press releases by organisations. I love that quote: ‘You are entitled to your own opinion, but you are not entitled to your own facts.’ Of course, it’s not just political figures or business leaders who have the monopoly on lying. Lies happen in most homes, whether it’s the little boy standing over the smashed vase saying ‘It wasn’t me’, or the teenager proffering a story for why they were two hours late home last night. The reasons behind many lies are complicated. Sometimes it’s to protect the liar from being punished, or to protect someone else from punishment. The lie might be to avoid being embarrassed, to hide an awkward situation, or to simply have others think better of the person telling the fib. Such lying isn’t admirable, but it’s not hard to understand why it occurs. It’s harder to fathom why some people tell lies with no clear purpose, when the lies are usually easy to disprove. Researchers say there are various reasons why some people lie compulsively. So, are people insensitive to falsehoods? Do people accept lying and what makes us lie. Do people no longer care about truth? The answers to me are nuanced and rest on the distinction between our conventional understanding of honesty and the notion of ‘authenticity’. The main element of honesty is factual accuracy whereas the main element of authenticity is an alignment between the public and private persona of a person. Someone asked me recently, ‘Do I look fat in these clothes I’ve just bought?’ Well, actually, they were a bit chubby, obese even, but I am certain they didn’t want to hear that. So, I lied through my teeth and said ‘No, you look great. In fact, I thought you had lost weight.’ Is that lying? Now the average person tells four lies a day, 1,460 a year and 87,600 by age of 60. You know 60 percent of the human body may be made of water, but over 80 percent of the human mind is made of stories and the lies we tell are hidden in our stories. Few people ever come to realise that their entire life has been driven by what goes on in their mind, and therefore the lies they tell themselves, and others, matter. A mind that is full of conclusions is a dead mind and will result in many lies as we fight for our own conclusions. But there are various forms of lying, and I can categorise them here: People lie to make themselves feel good about themselves. To make them feel better, funnier, smarter than others. The lie does matter… to them. While everyone around them thinks it’s an inconsequential issue, the liar believes it is critically important. Telling the truth feels like giving up control. Often, people tell lies because they are trying to control a situation and exert influence towards getting the decision or reaction they want. They don’t want to disappoint you. It may not feel like it to you, but people who tell lie after lie are often worried about losing the respect of those around them. They want you to like them, be impressed, and to value them. It’s not a lie to them. When we are under pressure, when our behaviour is being challenged, repetitive liars can feel so much pressure in the moment that their memory becomes simply unreliable. When they say something, it’s often because they genuinely believe, at that moment, that it is the truth. They want it to be true. The liar might want their lie to be true so badly that their desire and needs again overwhelm their instinct to tell the truth. O what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to deceive. Lies grow. If a chronic liar admits to any single lie, they feel like they’re admitting to being a liar, and then you’ll have reason to distrust them. And we do it partly lying out of practice and partly habit. It requires an effort to speak truth. Why is being honest important? Being honest with yourself is the key to living your life to the fullest: It makes your life easier. It makes you more reliable. It shows respect for others. It strengthens relationships. You avoid hurting others. It shows bravery. The worst truth is better than the best lie. If you never lie you never have to lie. When people cheat in any area of their lives, they diminish themselves – they threaten their own self-esteem and their relationships with others by undermining the trust they have in their ability to succeed and in their ability to be true. Even a tiny bit of deceit is dishonourable when it’s used for selfish or cowardly reasons. It’s vital not to lie – because the same people who believe your lies believe in you.